So my wife makes me an appointment with a real ENT, we will call him Doctor B. I walked into his office and they didn’t try to sell me any vitamins, I filled out the forms and I was in one of the rooms 30 seconds after I turned them in. A physician’s assistant walked in within a minute, I didn’t even have a chance to see what school the Doctor B graduated from. So I go through my life story, we make fun of Doctor A, especially since they had never heard of Doctor A before. And they give me some pressure test which basically told them I couldn’t hear in my left ear. At least these people seemed like they had a little more high tech equipment. The PA leaves and tells me that Doctor B will with me in less than a minute. I laughed at that one. I told him I would set my watch for an hour…
35 seconds later in walks in my dad’s long lost twin. Doctor B looks like my dad, talks like him, and even has the weird sense of humor like him. So after some more jokes about Doctor A wanting to schedule me for surgery for an ear tube and offering to give me a discount on botox while I am knocked out, Doctor B starting trying to figure out the real problem with my ear. After about 20 tests and about 30 minutes of his time, he decides that I need to get a tube put in my ear, but I don’t need surgery, I just need to come back in a week and it would take 15 minutes and I would be awake the whole time. I asked Doctor B if there was any medicine or antibiotics I could take instead of having the tube put in and his answer was that he only prescribed antibiotics when somebody was really sick, guess I was only sick in the head. 🙂 So I decide to go ahead and get a t-tube put in my ear, which would stay for about 2 years to help my ear fix itself. I also got fitted for a ear plug, since I can’t get my ear wet for the next 2 years.
For those of you not familiar with a ear tube, it’s a piece of metal or plastic that is inserted into your ear, to basically let air insert your ear to keep it dry inside and if there is any buildup of fluid it can leak from the hole in the tube. The one I was having put in is in the shape of a T, like one of the ones in the picture below.
The day I am supposed to get my T-Tube in comes around and my wife decides that she is going to come with me, I go into Doctor B’s office and they tell me that my insurance won’t pay for the T-Tube and I have to pay the $12.95 myself, you’re kidding right? $12.95? I really hate insurance companies, but that’s another story. So they bring me back, and they bring me to where they have the Ear Microscope, which for some stupid reason is in the kitchen. So here I am in this big chair waiting to have a tube put in my ear and people are walking in making coffee and grabbing breakfast. Is this legal? Where’s that HIPPA guy when you need him! Well, they give me these numbing drops which never seem to do anything, maybe my ear is too big or something. But the doctor comes in and says it’s time to start, but first he warms a bagel in the microwave and then decides to finally start inserting the tube. Remember I can only hear about 20% out of my left ear right now and he is telling me what is about to happen, and I can’t hear a word he is saying. Finally I do hear him ask the nurse for a scalpel, I’m thinking to myself how is he going to get a scalpel in my ear? Well, it seems a scalpel for an ear is pretty small, when makes an incision in my ear, I don’t feel pain, I just feel about a gallon of water shooting out of my ear, glad the doctor was wearing glasses. Then spent about 5 minutes sucking all of the fluid out of my ear, but I could HEAR! It hurt a little, but I didn’t care because I could hear!
He then puts in the ear tube and tells me I could sit up, which was awesome, since I could actually hear him tell me to sit up. When I get up I looked and I think my wife is about to pass out from all of the stuff they pulled out of my ear. But I could hear and I was going to enjoy the rest of the week and prepare for my family cruise over the Thanksgiving holidays.